Most domestic private adoptions are considered open adoptions nowadays. This can vary from the Birthparents knowing the adoptive couples’ first names to the Birthparents being invited over to the adoptive couple’s house to celebrate the child’s birthday. No matter how open the adoption will be, there is usually time for the adoptive couple to speak with the potential Birthparents prior to the baby’s birth. The communication between them is a difficult one to fully understand unless you’ve been through it. The best way I can describe it is that it felt as if I, the soon to be adoptive parent, was dating the potential Birthparents. People tend to laugh when I say this until I explain why I use the term “dating”.
Continue reading Birthparent Relationships, Waiting for Birthparents to Choose You? Trying to Impress Potential Birthparents?
One may assume that once you adopt you fit right in with other families and don’t have to think about your adoption anymore. As an adoptive parent, I tend to disagree with this. I believe that a couple does not just adopt a child but also adopts a new lifestyle. Honestly, I consider adoption as a lifestyle in itself. It is a different way of thinking about your family and the world itself.
Continue reading Adoption as a Lifestyle
For a couple waiting to adopt, one of the happiest times is when they get “The Call” from their agency or lawyer about their new child. They will then receive important information such as a picture of their child or told about the progress of the potential Birthmother’s pregnancy. This event may be one of the most exciting moments this couple has experienced in a long time during their journey to parenthood. Continue reading How Much of My Child’s Birthparent History Should I Share With Family?
One question that a couple must discuss early in their adoption process is whether or not to adopt a child of a race different than their own. Some couples joke that the child could be purple and they wouldn’t care as long as he is theirs. But this really is a serious decision that should not be taken lightly. A good starting point is to honestly answer this question, “Are you willing to move into a neighborhood where you are in the minority and your child is not?” If your immediate knee-jerk reaction is, “No”, then that’s fine. Don’t feel guilty about it but please reconsider adopting transracially. If your answer is “Well, of course.” then maybe you should research more into transracial adoptions.
Continue reading Transracial Adoption, What do I Need to Think About?
Parenting after Adoption
Once the infertile couple has adopted their child, they can finally begin the family life that they worked so hard to achieve. Even though they are parents, some of the feelings left over from infertility may still surface. The couple may have pangs of sorrow when they hear someone announce their pregnancy or read a birth announcement. Baby showers and being around pregnant women may make them feel uncomfortable. The couple may feel ashamed to have these feelings because they feel as if they should be completely gone now that they are parents. For some people, parenthood does wipe the infertility feelings away. But with most couples I meet, these feelings are present but to a lesser degree than when they were in infertility treatment.
Continue reading Transitioning from Infertility to Adoption (Part 4 of 4)
Entering the Adoption World
For couples who have been engrossed with infertility, entering the world of adoption can be overwhelming. The couple is now an expert on infertility vocabulary, treatments, and medicines. But as soon as they open a book on adoption, they feel lost by the new words like “home study,” “interstate compact,” “dossier,” and other adoption terms. They will feel like they are starting over again at square one. And unfortunately they are.
Continue reading Transitioning from Infertility to Adoption (Part 3 of 4)
Deciding on Adoption
For most couples who experience infertility, they have considered adoption somewhere along their journey. They may think it will be a realistic option, or they may not want to accept that it may be their only option someday, or they may know that they do not want to become parents through adoption. It’s possible that one person in the relationship may have strong feelings about adoption which is the opposite of their partner. These roles could change over the course of infertility treatments and these feelings should be reevaluated every few months.
Continue reading Transitioning from Infertility to Adoption (Part 2 of 4)
Understanding the Infertile Couple
I am going to describe the emotions associated with someone who goes through infertility. I have come across this information from three years of enduring treatments, attending a Women’s Infertility Support Group for two years and periodically leading a Women’s Infertility Support Group over the past few years.
Continue reading Transitioning from Infertility to Adoption (Part 1 of 4)