Before I thoroughly researched domestic adoption, I didn’t give a lot of thought to the Birthmothers who placed their children for adoption. I just knew that I wanted a baby and they had one to be adopted. Honestly, I pictured them as part of a baby factory. They came to the hospital, popped out a baby and left. I would swoop in and adopt the baby they left behind. How could the Birthmothers be upset about the baby as it was a problem for them and I fixed it? It was simple as that. Win – win for everyone.
Researching Birthmothers’ Stories
Between my research of the state adoption laws and how to pick an agency, I picked up a few books that had personal stories of adoption. At first I didn’t want to waste my time on these stories as I was so focused on the fastest way to get a baby. I wanted to learn facts on adoption and not read from non-professionals. Little did I know that those personal stories from those “non-professionals” could make such a huge impact on me.
Continue reading What are Birthmothers Thinking During Their Pregnancy, When Selecting an Adoptive Couple, and at the Hospital
When a couple is expecting a child through pregnancy, they have the luxury of waiting to select a pediatrician until they are near to their known delivery date. The main things they will look at when deciding who to use may be the location of the office, the office hours, the personality of the doctor and staff and the general feel of the office itself. They are able to talk to any of their friends or neighbors for recommendations of what doctor they should interview.
Couples who are adopting have to approach selecting a pediatrician a tad differently. They probably should not wait until they are matched with a child or potential Birthparents before selecting a doctor. They probably should not even wait until they are finishing their paperwork before interviewing doctors. The things to help them choose their pediatrician will be the same as those listed for the couple expecting via pregnancy. In addition, they will have questions specifically about adoption for the doctor. The adoptive couple should specifically ask other adoptive parents about their pediatricians and not just choose one because their friends or neighbors recommend them. Other adoptive parents can let you know what pediatricians’ offices are adoption friendly.
Continue reading When Adopting it is Important to Choose a Pediatrician Before Being Matched
(Recently I had the pleasure of facilitating an adoption panel that included an adult Adoptee, an Adoptive Mother and two Birthmothers. Between listening to the Birthmothers tell their stories and two of my children recently celebrating their birthdays; my mind has been traveling to thoughts of my children’s Birthparents. Even though I have not heard anything from them in a very long time, I still think of them daily. Below is a letter that I dedicate to all the Birthparents of my three children.)
First of all, I would like to apologize for passing judgement upon you before I even knew you. Before researching adoption, I had assumed all Birthparents were young, uneducated and did not care for their newborns. Otherwise, why would you not want to parent? After looking into adoption, I learned that odds were you would be in your 20’s and 30’s with children already. With all three of my adoptions, my research was much more accurate than my previous assumptions about you. This truly surprised me.
Continue reading A Letter to My Children’s Birthparents