Monthly Archives: April 2009

As an Adoptive Parent, How Important is it That Your Children Look Like You

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Nowadays families come together in different ways. Due to divorce, remarriage, adoption, grandparents as primary caregivers, same-sex partners and other configurations there is no longer one set idea of what a “family” should look like. With adoption you can have some control over this. By being selective with your child’s country of birth and their race, you can have a good picture in your mind of what your family will look like.

Just as parents of biological children expect that their children will look similar to one another, some adoptive parents want the same. It’s not uncommon for some adoptive parents, including myself, to only seek out children of similar racial background in order for them all to “match” one another. By using the word “match” I only mean the children will share similar physical characteristics. This may sound like an odd thing to be concerned about to someone outside of the adoption community. I found it was one small way to bring some normalcy to my family formed through adoption which is anything but a normal process.

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Dealing with a Failed Adoption

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One of the great fears when one enters adoption, especially domestic adoption, is that they will have an adoption fall through. The picture that comes to most people’s minds is something from a cheesy Lifetime movie where the child’s Birthmother comes back a year later to reclaim the child from the adoptive parents. If that was a common possibility I don’t think most anyone would ever adopt. I’ve read some adoption experts say that you have better odds of being hit by a bus than a Birthmother coming back to reclaim the child after their parental rights have been relinquished.

The sad stories which are more common in domestic adoption are not the ones movies are made out of. They are the ones where the potential Birthparents decide to parent before the child has been born and sometimes immediately afterwards. The statistics I found for these failed adoptions at most domestic agencies was around 20%.

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