When people are looking for an agency/lawyer for a domestic adoption, they often think locally. This can sometimes limit them to options that don’t meet their needs. The good news is that people can use any agency/lawyer based in the United States to handle their domestic adoption. The bad news is that because there are so many more choices when you are looking throughout the United States, people need to do a lot more research to make sure they locate the best place for them to adopt a child.
This research includes looking into the pros and cons of working with someone out of their state. If they decide to select an out of state agency/lawyer, then they need to decide what state’s adoption laws they like the most. As if the process of selecting an agency/lawyer wasn’t difficult enough, each of the 50 states has their own specific adoption laws that you must abide by if you use an agency/lawyer located within it.
So how does anyone ever select an agency/lawyer with so many options? I believe it’s one of the toughest choices amongst many that you make when you choose to adopt. You must hand over your heart, your trust and your money to this agency/lawyer and hope that they will find a child for your family. This is a not an easy feat so you must educate yourself and make the best decision possible.
Why look elsewhere?
Why would anyone look at an agency outside of their area? The main reason people do so is to open up their options. By investigating across the United States they have a much better chance of locating an agency/lawyer that fits them best. Just because a friend from your church used a local agency and loved them doesn’t mean that you will have the same experience. It’s fine to listen to recommendations as long as you don’t base your decision entirely upon them.
Before my husband, Paul, and I researched adoption we had only heard stories from people who used local agencies and thought those were our only options. There are many wonderful local agencies we could have used and felt comfortable with. But for reasons I’ll discuss we chose an agency based in another state, Texas, and are extremely happy that we found an agency which met all of our preferences.
How is it possible to research all of the thousands of agencies/lawyers in the United States? You can quickly whittle them down by thinking of your budget first. Are you willing to fly out to where your potential baby is born or would you rather drive? That decision alone can cut down your state options. Also, remember that you may have to make multiple trips to the other state when working on your adoption budget.
The next way to decide on what states to research is to look more closely at their adoption laws. This can be complicated due to the legal language they are written in. You can find information about the state laws online at websites like Adoption.com or Adoptive Families Magazine. But even with this easier to read language it’s still confusing. Don’t hesitate to call an agency/lawyer in a state you may be interested in and discuss their state laws with them. You’ll need to understand information regarding when the Birthparents can terminate their rights, when their termination is irrevocable, if there is a Putative Birthfather registry, and what Birthparent expenses you can pay for. Some states have strict state-wide laws concerning these issues while other states have laws that vary depending on where in the state the baby is born in.
Cons
What are some of the disadvantages to using an out of state agency? The main one is the added financial burden that you’ll take on. First of all, you must pay privately for your adoption home study with a local social worker. Sometimes an agency’s fees have the home study included and will not give you a discount if have one done privately. Your local social worker will create your home study to meet the standards of your state plus the state that you are adopting through. You need to have a social worker who is willing to do research to know exactly what is expected in their report from the other state so they will not create any delays in completing your home study.
Another financial burden is the travel expenses. Your agency/lawyer may require you to visit their location to participate in pre-adoptive training. Then when your adoption profile is selected by potential Birthparents, you need to decide whether to travel to meet them prior to the baby’s birth. If you do travel, then those travel costs is money that you may lose if the potential Birthparents decide to parent. If you do not travel to meet them, the potential Birthparents may think you are not interested and rethink their decision.
Paul and I traveled twice, two years apart, to meet potential Birthparents in Texas. Both times were enjoyable visits but only one ended up with a successful adoption. We knew that risk when we planned our trips but felt it was worth it. We didn’t want to regret not meeting our possible child’s Birthparents prior to the birth just because we were fearful of losing money.
There is also the travel for the birth of the child and then possibly the adoption finalization. The finalization takes place around 6 months after the birth of the child. Some states require or request that you travel back to the state of the child’s birth for the finalization court proceeding. Otherwise you may not have to travel and instead do the finalization court proceeding in your home state. This is question to ask when researching agencies/lawyers as it would be an extra travel expense for you plus your new baby.
Besides the actual travel by plane or car, you need a place to sleep. Hotels are not inexpensive and you will not always know how long you will need a room. Once you sign the papers to adopt a child, you will need to wait for the Interstate Compact on the Placement of Children (ICPC) to be approved.
Essentially this means that after you sign your paperwork to adopt the child, you must remain within the state of the child’s birth until the ICPC is approved. Once you receive a phone call that you got ICPC clearance you can then travel to your home state. For our three adoptions all through the same state, approval of our ICPC clearances took five, two and eight business days. It’s usually predictable but obviously not always. You must budget for these extra days when looking at hotels and car rentals.
Another possible disadvantage of working with an agency out of state is that your adoption profile may be overlooked by potential Birthparents. They may want an adoptive couple that is close to them geographically. Perhaps this is because they want their child to be raised in a similar environment, such as near an ocean. Or maybe they want their child geographically close because they would like the possibility of visits with the adoptive family in the future.
I know that our adoption profile was not even considered by some potential Birthmothers because we were not Texans. There is nothing I could do about that and just had to respect their decision. However, one of my child’s Birthparents selected Paul and I as parents because we did live outside of Texas. They knew that they had to have a physical distance from their child in order to help them heal from their loss of not parenting.
Pros
Certainly there seems to be many disadvantages to using an agency out of state. So why in the world would someone choose to pay the extra money for the traveling and the home study? For most it is that people are seeking out specific state laws. For Paul and I, when we decided to adopt domestically we were not thrilled our state didn’t have a set law concerning when the court recognized the Birthparent’s relinquishment of parental rights. It varied on the county, the judge and the agency. Therefore we looked for a state that had laws set in stone for when the Birthparent’s relinquishment was legally recognized. We did research, talked to others in the adoption process and decided to adopt through Texas. We were very glad that where we lived didn’t limit us as to what adoption laws we had to follow.
Another reason we wanted to use an out of state agency is because we really wanted an open adoption with our children’s Birthparents. Yet we still felt slightly uncomfortable with the thought of them being in the same city as us. Perhaps that seems hypocritical to some but for us this decision was an easy one to make. We knew that we could be more open about ourselves if there was some physical distance between us and the Birthparents after we brought our child home. We keep in contact with them via letters, pictures and occasional phone calls. And during our trips back to Texas we are always open to visits with them. Some adoptive parents may see this physical distance as a disadvantage but I know many others prefer a little distance like us.
Choosing to adopt through another state also opened up our options about our future child’s ethnicity. If we had chosen to remain with a local agency our main choices would have been Caucasian, African American or Caucasian/African-American. Paul and I were very interested in opening our choices to include the Hispanic ethnicity. Looking at agencies in Southern Texas, where there is a large Hispanic population, made logical sense. All three of our children are full-Hispanic and we are grateful we chose to research out of state agencies to get this ethnicity. It’s not uncommon for some couples who attend my Adoption Support Group to be interested in adopting a child of a particular ethnicity. Sometimes their only option is to look at states where those ethnicities are more prevalent. It’s worth the possible extra expenses in order for them to create the family they desire.
Neither a Pro nor a Con
The physical distance between you and your agency is a concern of many people researching adoption. At my Adoption Support Meetings, people have inquired about not being able to drop by to see the offices of the agency/lawyer office to check on your progress if you use someone from out of state. I have asked many of my friends who used local adoption agencies how often they visited their agency’s office and most all replied, “Never.” If they had to contact them, then they called or e-mailed them. If they had to give something to the agency/lawyer then they mailed it. Honestly, their contact with them was no different than with me with my agency which was hundreds of miles away. Therefore, this is neither an advantage nor a disadvantage because your contact with your out of state agency/lawyer will not be hindered or helped by the distance.
How Do You Research About Other States?
As if the adoption process wasn’t complicated enough, now there are even more aspects to consider once you look outside of your state. The decision of where and who to adopt through is overwhelming. Seek out others who have adopted and ask why they chose their agency/lawyer. This is great way to get ideas of what states have good laws for prospective adoptive parents. If you don’t know any adoptive parents then attend a local adoption support group. A lot of these groups will be a mix of people considering adoption, those in the process and those who have recently adopted.
Join online communities and put up a post asking for comments about certain agencies. People will send you personal messages about their experiences. Some online communities also have adoption forums specific for each state. This would be a great way to ask the details of that state’s adoption laws if you are confused by them.
If you know you are going to adopt out of state, then find a private social worker to begin your home study. Ask the social worker for recommendations of agencies/lawyers that their clients have used. The social worker will have the details of how smoothly their adoptions went in particular states.
Never hesitate to call the agency/lawyer directly to inquire about the laws of their state. If they don’t have time to discuss it with you then, see how long it takes for them to get back to you. Quick return times on phone calls and e-mails are a must when working with an agency in or out of your state.
In the end, you must make that leap of faith and follow your gut to select an agency/lawyer. If you feel that you found the agency/lawyer that meets all of your criteria but they are across the country, then see if you can make it work. Never did I imagine that we’d have to travel way down to Texas, a state that I had rarely visited, multiple times in many years. But research and our gut feelings led us there over and over in order to adopt our children. Every adoption story is unique and no one can ever predict how it will happen. By considering other geographical locations it could lead you to the child that was meant to be part of your family.
Danielle I. Pennel
Three Yellow Roses
www.threeyellowroses.com
Having adopted out of state twice from Texas, there are other things that can delay your ICPC. Both of our children were born around major holidays (Christmas/New Years and MLK day). Courts are closed which will hold up the process. So we were in Texas for 11 days and 15 days. We were anxious to share our new family members, but it was also a wonderful time to just bond as a new family. We left our son here for our second adoption, which killed us to be away, but he enjoyed his slumber parties and we were able to spend the one on one time with his new sister.