No one ever wants to feel all alone. Unfortunately when one is experiencing infertility they do feel all alone. Everywhere they look they see strollers, bulging pregnant bellies and toddlers running around. They cannot see the other “members” of the infertility community. Since one in six couples experience infertility, these “members” must be out in public. The problem is that they look like everyone else. Unfortunately, you won’t see a man wearing a t-shirt saying, “My sperm are abnormal. How about yours?” or a woman with “I’m on Clomid in order to get pregnant!” plastered on the back of her jacket. My husband, Paul, and I definitely felt alone and were looking around for others who we could relate to.
Oh Oh! Look!
When Paul and I were considering adoption, we started again to look around as not to feel so alone. We quickly become crazy voyeurs when in public because suddenly we noticed adoptive couples everywhere we went. I am not sure if they were all hiding out in a shack waiting to be released on cue when we walked outside of our home but it sure felt like it. Continue reading Abnormal Infertile Couple, Trying to Become Parents Through Adoption
Have you ever seen the Disney movie, “The Little Mermaid”? The premise is that there is a mermaid, Ariel, who longs to be a human and experience the world outside of the ocean. She has heard stories, seen paintings, and collected sunken treasures of this human world she had not seen in person. She is sad and frustrated that no matter how hard she tries there is nothing she can do to miraculously grow legs and survive outside of the ocean. She sings about her desire to become human in a song “Part of Your World.”
When I first heard that song years ago I thought, “Accept what you are Ariel and deal with it!” But looking back on my years of infertility I can understand more of that frustration that Ariel references. During my infertility journeys I wanted more than anything to be part of the “Mommy World.” From the stories I had heard it involved funny and priceless moments between Moms and their kids. I had seen it portrayed in movies, and on TV that it was all smiles and hugs. From all the toys and outfits in the stores it looked like a world full of fun times. The image I had of this “Mommy World” was fantastic and I ached daily to be part of it.
Yearning for “Mommy World”
Once my husband, Paul, and I began the adoption process I knew I was closer than ever to be part of “Mommy World.” I just knew I would get there and I would have tons of Mom friends and play with my child all day. How could I not then be healed of all my painful feelings left over from years of yearning for “Mommy World?”
Continue reading As a New Adoptive Mom, I Still Didn’t Feel The Same as The Other Moms
One step that is required of every adoptive parent before they adopt a child is the adoption home study. This is an official report that states whether prospective adoptive parents are fit to raise a child. The report is written by a social worker who meets the couple multiple times, including one visit to their house, and investigates their medical, family, criminal, emotional and home background. The purpose of the home study is to help the court determine whether the prospective adoptive parents are qualified to adopt a child. Only the court, your agency/lawyer and possibly yourself will ever view the final home study report.
The home study can be one of the more stressful parts when preparing to adopt, but it does not need to be. It can be stressful because the home study requires a lot of legwork to collect all the necessary documents and a lot of your time to be interviewed by the social worker. Doing all of this can bring up a lot of feelings that prospective adoptive parents may not have been expecting. From my personal experience of doing three adoption home studies and knowing many others who have also been through the process I can say that these feelings are normal for most all prospective adoptive parents.
Continue reading A Home Study of Emotions