A person’s name is a very important part of their identity. Some people even believe that their name shapes their personality. If you are a “Maghnus” you’ll have a large strong personality as a “Tucker” may be a more laid back type of person. Whichever comes first, the name or the personality, selecting a name for your child can be a difficult decision. Most couples only have to consider the input from each other when whittling down their list of potential names.

When you decide to adopt a child there is a lot more thought put into what to name your child. You must consider if you want to keep their original name, “Americanize” their original name, select a name consistent with their ethnicity, consult with the Birthparents to find a name everyone is happy with, combine names to create new ones, or choose a name that you always wanted.

This topic is one that one that comes up often in the adoption community. Adoptive Families Magazine online even has a page dedicated for just this topic called, “What’s in a Name?”

Other adoptive parents may have an opinion on how you should choose your child’s name and if it’s a good choice. Just accept that you can’t please everyone so focus on what you want. Do what you are comfortable with and be ready to explain why you chose the route you did. Later I will explain how my husband, Paul, and I chose our children’s names and why we did what we did.

Possible Ways to Choose a Name

One consideration when choosing a name is the age of the child. Obviously if the child is a newborn they haven’t answered to any name yet. However if your child is at least over a year they could be responding to one particular name and may not want a new one. You may be able to even ask your child what they would like to do. Possibly they want to keep their name but they may want a new name to go along with their new permanent family.

If you adopt internationally then odds are your child has a name already given to them. One possibility is that when you were completing paperwork you intended on keeping the original name. Yet once you are matched with a child you realize that no family or friends would ever be able to pronounce it correctly so then you decide to change it. I know many people who have chosen a new name and kept the original ethnic name as their child’s middle name. Or some people “Americanize” their child’s name in order to keep the spirit of the name but have the child fit in more with his or her peers. An example would be changing the original name “Alejandro” to “Alexander.”

Name Input from Birthparents

If you adopt a newborn domestically you can use input from the child’s Birthparents if you would like. The Birthparents will select a name to put on the baby’s original birth certificate. This may be a name they really wanted or it could be the name that you decided to call your new child. When your child is around six months old you will go to court to finalize your adoption. This is when you apply for a new birth certificate which will have the permanent legal name that you want for your child.

Some adoptive parents I know discussed names for the baby with the Birthparents before coming to a decision for the official name. Some others let the Birthparents select a middle name while the adoptive parents selected the first name. Others gave their children two middle names, one is a name the adoptive parents liked and the other is one the Birthparents liked.

Those couples who did consult with Birthparents on names usually have very positive stories to share about everyone collaborating on the name. The Birthparents respected that the adoptive parents had opinions on names different from their own. I have only heard of a few Birthparents who were determined that their baby have a particular name and only wanted an adoptive couple that would keep that name. This is when the adoptive parents would have to decide if this would be a deal breaker for them in the adoption process.

How We Named Our Children

Paul and I we really wanted to pick out our own names. We took no input from anyone except one another. We never asked the Birthparents for their thoughts on any names. We did encourage them to put down a name that they wanted on the original birth certificate. In the future we want to be able to tell our children that their Birthparents put thought into the names on their original certificate.

Had any of the Birthparents wanted a particular name and not budge on it then I would had wanted to walk away from the adoption situation. Sure we could have changed the name when we applied for the second birth certificate but I couldn’t have willingly lied about it. Some people look at me like I have two heads when I tell them that we would have walked away from a potential adoption over the child’s name. For us though we wanted to choose the names just as if we had given birth. We didn’t want anyone’s input but each others.

Another thing we did not bring into consideration was our child’s ethnicity. Some adoptive families try to select names that go along with their ethnicity. For example, if they adopt a daughter from South Korea then they’d select a Korean name, such as Hyun. All three of our children are full Hispanic and their first names are from Scottish, Polish and English origins.

The Right Name is Your Decision

I share what we did when selecting names to show that you don’t have to do any of the recommendations I stated earlier in this article. Sometimes when people enter the world of adoption they want to make sure that they follow all the rules the adoption books state so their child won’t resent them in the future. We didn’t follow any of those rules from the books and I doubt our children will resent us. I hope they will realize that we chose their names because they were ones we wanted with all of our hearts.

So if there is a name that you have always loved then don’t feel as if you must comprise because you chose to adopt. Or if you are open to names and think it could be fun to create a name with the child’s Birthparents then ask them for their input. If you are adopting internationally then maybe you’d like to bring add a new ethnic name into your family tree. Your child may be grateful that you respected his birth country and the name he was called there.

Whatever your choice, just remember that you are the child’s parents and you get the final say. I don’t know if Paul and I have helped shape our children’s personalities for better or for worse by selecting the names we did. But I do know that I can’t imagine my children being called anything else but the names we gave them.

Danielle I. Pennel

Three Yellow Roses

www.threeyellowroses.com

This entry was posted on Sunday, August 2nd, 2009 at 10:54 AM and is filed under Domestic Adoptions, In the Adoption Process, International Adoptions, Researching Adoption. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.