Monthly Archives: September 2009

A Peek Into Another Side of Adoption, Young Birthparents on TV

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As a prospective adoptive parent you probably don’t spend a lot of your time seeking out the stories of Birthmothers. You’ll be much more likely to pick up a book containing essays of how people navigated the adoption process to successfully adopt a child. Stories from the Birthmothers’ point of view could be interesting to you but you’d rather spend your energy learning what you have to do to become an adoptive parent.

I definitely did not place a lot of thought into how the Birthmothers enter the world of adoption and the struggles they must face by choosing to place their child. Yet after I adopted I felt a strong need to understand the Birthmothers’ stories.  I now listen to Birthmothers speak on adoption panels and have read essays by them. I wish I would have learned more about this very important part of the adoption story before I adopted the first time.

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As an Adoptive Parent, is it Your Job to Save The World?

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While going through infertility I began attending a Women’s infertility support group. I was hesitant at first because I thought it would be full of crazed women willing to drug themselves up in order to get a litter of children. I was wrong because what I found was a room full of women who were just like me. We all are struggling to find answers to our infertility, having difficulties with relationships, and trying to curb the strong feelings not to lose our minds whenever we passed a pregnant woman on the street.

I learned a lot of helpful information from these meetings which helped me keep my sanity during the extremely stressful years of infertility treatments. One of the best pieces of advice I received quickly became my personal infertility mantra. It was that I was allowed to have “avoidance without guilt.” So if I chose not to go to a baby shower, I shouldn’t feel guilty. If I didn’t go to a work gathering in fear of being stuck talking to the young women who are trying to get pregnant, then it was OK. Using this mantra helped me make some difficult decisions and still feel good about myself.

Since that mantra was so helpful for me during infertility I knew I’d need something new during the adoption process. I thought it would be something like “Remember to sign all of the checks” or “Always look presentable in front of the potential Birthparents.” Never did I expect to use the mantra told to me by an Adoptive mother and the leader of the Adoption Support Group I was attending.

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