As a prospective adoptive parent you probably don’t spend a lot of your time seeking out the stories of Birthmothers. You’ll be much more likely to pick up a book containing essays of how people navigated the adoption process to successfully adopt a child. Stories from the Birthmothers’ point of view could be interesting to you but you’d rather spend your energy learning what you have to do to become an adoptive parent.

I definitely did not place a lot of thought into how the Birthmothers enter the world of adoption and the struggles they must face by choosing to place their child. Yet after I adopted I felt a strong need to understand the Birthmothers’ stories.  I now listen to Birthmothers speak on adoption panels and have read essays by them. I wish I would have learned more about this very important part of the adoption story before I adopted the first time.

“16 and Pregnant”

Since I still seek out information about Birthmothers I watched a recent episode of “16 and Pregnant” on MTV. It’s a reality program following a young pregnant women and the difficult choices they have to make. All but one of the pregnant women parented their baby. The one that didn’t placed her baby girl for adoption.

It was a wonderful episode that did not spare any details. The potential Birthmother and her boyfriend, who was also a teenager, decided that they wanted a better life for their baby but didn’t have the resources to do so. Their parents were unhappy with their decision not to parent. The woman’s mother even bought a baby bassinet and placed it in their front room to pressure her to parent. But the potential Birthparents were very determined and sought out an adoption agency on their own. The cameras followed them interviewing the agency, agonizing over which adoptive parent profile to select and then meeting with the prospective adoptive parents for the first time.

The story continued with the potential Birthparents feeling sad not to be parenting and writing their baby a letter explaining their decision. You were able to see the potential Birthparents struggle with their last moments with their daughter before handing her over to the new adoptive parents, who were at the hospital during the birth. It was heart-wrenching to watch these emotional moments.

The Birthparents weren’t excited to have their problem of their unexpected pregnancy solved by the adoptive parents. Instead they were sobbing with the pain of placing their child in someone else’s arms knowing it was the best thing for their daughter. You could tell that their decision was completely selfless and amazingly mature considering their young age.

A Glimpse into Openness

MTV also aired a Reunion show for the “16 and Pregnant” series. The Birthparents were still together two months after their baby’s birth. They were content with their choice of adoption and repeatedly said they did it all for their daughter to have a better life. The adoptive parents were also present on the show with the baby. It was not an awkward situation as you could tell how much all of them loved and respected one another. They will have a semi-open adoption and keep contact with visits, pictures and phone calls.

On this Reunion show, it was a beautiful thing to see the adoptive parents and the Birthparents interacting with one another. The love they all had for the baby was palpable. It was exactly what an open adoption should be. Everyone was with one another in the best interest of the child. Sure it seems odd to an outsider and it’s hard to “get it” until you see in action. That’s why this reunion show is a wonderful way for others to see how it works.

A “Must See”

I believe this show could easily be a “Must See” for all prospective adoptive parents. It’s difficult for them to understand what goes on in the Birthparents’ mind when deciding to place a child for adoption. This show can give them a glimpse into this world of Birthmothers and their choices. Possibly by understanding what steps the Birthmother went through before they even selected your profile, you can appreciate that her decision was not a quick and easy one to make. You can see how influential outside pressure from family or friends can be on them. If you ever thought that the Birthmother is weak for not being able to parent, then this show will prove that they were mature for knowing that they should not parent at this time.

This information is also helpful when explaining to your child why his/her Birthparents chose adoption instead of parenting. It’s important to portray the Birthparents’ decisions in a positive and loving light. If you don’t know the background story of their Birthparents then watching this MTV show is a must. It will give you plenty of answers to your child’s questions even if you don’t have contact with your child’s Birthparents.

Never did I imagine that I’d be recommending a MTV show to prospective adoptive parents. I really feel it is a wonderful portrayal of the side of adoption that is not discussed often enough. If I had watched this show plus the reunion show prior to my first adoption, I think I would had been more understanding to some of my son’s Birthparents’ feelings. I would not have been as scared by the term “open adoption.” This show would have confirmed that in addition to being thankful toward the Birthparents for selecting Paul and I as parents, I should be eternally grateful that they were mature and responsible enough to have selected adoption for their baby whom they love very much.

Danielle I. Pennel

Three Yellow Roses

www.threeyellowroses.com

This entry was posted on Saturday, September 19th, 2009 at 3:05 PM and is filed under Domestic Adoptions, In the Adoption Process, Parenting after Adoption, Researching Adoption. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.