Monthly Archives: December 2009

My Adoption, My Decisions


In the dating world, people have to make many choices. Who do I find attractive? How old can they be? Do they have to have a college degree? Must they like sports? Should they live in town? And the questions go on and on. People don’t usually sit down and list out all their requirements but just “know” in their gut what their answers are. Their best friend may vehemently disagree with their answers but that can be just fine. You are the best judge for what you should look for in a relationship. Yes, there are dating matching programs but ultimately the person follows their instincts to decide whether or not to take the relationship further.

Those pursing adoption also have to make a lot of choices based on many factors. These choices can be minor ones (like whether to fly or drive to pick up your child) or major ones (like whether or not to adopt from foster care). While you go through the process it will seem like everyone, including those not educated about adoption, will have opinions on your choices. It’s difficult to explain that your decisions are ones you have educated yourself about, followed your instincts on and that you did not decide lightly.

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The Adoption Social Worker and Infertility


Recently I had the pleasure of being asked to present to a group of adoption social workers from a local agency. The topic I covered was “Understanding the Infertile Adoptive Couple.” This is a subject I feel knowledgeable about as I entered adoption from the infertility world. I have also met many people who meet this description since I’ve been either participating in or leading infertility and adoption support groups over the past nine years.

If you ask someone if a couple’s adoption journey would be affected by their fertility status, then they’d likely answer, “No.” Why would it make a difference if someone could or could not have biological children? All prospective adoptive parents have to go through the same screening process and fill out the same paperwork, right?

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“Adopt” a New Phrase, Adoption Means a Life Long Commitment

1128252_3_presentsThis is the time of year where people reach out to help others in their community. One way to help others is to purchase holiday gifts for families which are struggling financially. For example, churches, businesses, book clubs and gyms may select a few local families or individuals to receive clothing, toys, and household item donations.

I enjoy providing for those in need during the holiday season. However, it makes my skin crawl when these wonderful programs are advertised as an “Adopt-a-Family.” For most adoptive families, including myself, this is an offensive and troublesome way to use the word “adopt.” The family being donated to is not being “adopted” but actually being “sponsored.” If they were in fact being “adopted” then there would be home studies, lawyer fees and then there’s the issue of the family coming to live with them.

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