At this month’s Adoption Support Group meeting I heard something from some of the attendees which I unfortunately expected. Many of them had been asked by co-workers or loved ones, “So why don’t you just adopt an orphan from Haiti?” When I had heard about the tragic January 12th earthquake in Haiti and how many children lost their families, a small voice in my head wondered if this was going to be a new topic in the adoption world.
This topic makes sense when on the news we are shown pictures of children without their families. It breaks my heart to see this. Of course I to want to help. What decent person wouldn’t want to? You could donate money or even supplies to Haiti. These are logical actions. As someone in the adoption world I know there isn’t much logic to the thought “Gee, I know someone who wants to adopt. I should tell them to do this so they can get a child quick and easy.”
At this particular point in time, I don’t know how anyone could in good conscience adopt an orphan from Haiti. You couldn’t know if they were truly an “orphan” with no living family. You couldn’t know for sure what was promised to this child for their future. You wouldn’t know positively if the adoption was legal considering the state of the Haitian government at this time. The health of the child couldn’t be well documented, if at all, due to the poor regulations of the Haitian orphanages.
Haiti’s Orphans
Haiti is currently a disaster zone with mass confusion occurring on many levels. Yes, there are many children in orphanages right now, but not all of them are true “orphans.” Before their earthquake, Haiti was like most poverty stricken countries where parents handed their children over to orphanages so they would get proper food and care. Since the earthquake, this is happening at an alarming level. According to The Wall Street Journal, some orphanages are reporting adults tossing children over their walls and running away.
There were approximately 380,000 children in Haiti’s orphanages before the earthquake but now there is sure to be many more. Some sources think the numbers could be over 1 million current orphans. There are hundreds of Haitian orphanages but only 67 are registered with their government. This means there is no regulation about the standard of care for most of these orphans. Many articles I read called the level of care “medieval” with overcrowding and uncleanliness being major problems in the orphanages.
Of course you’d want to help out these children by adopting them and bringing them into your loving home, right? Unfortunately, this is not an easy task for Haiti to do. They have had the serious problem of their orphans being “adopted” out to those who use the children for slavery or the sex trade. The earthquake now has created even more orphans with even less government control. There is a huge concern if the country allows “express adoptions” that many children will be taken by people whose only intention is to abuse them for their own financial gain.
Currently there are NGOs (non-governmental organizations) pleading with the Haitian government to stop all adoptions for a minimum of six months post-earthquake to protect the children. The six months may also allow enough time for family members to find their children who were placed in some of the orphanages. Many children were being dropped off at the orphanages by neighbors or other adults who could not locate the child’s parents.
Currently in the news is the story of the ten American missionaries who were arrested for allegedly attempting to smuggle 33 children out of Haiti. Two thirds of these children have living parents, some who willingly handed over their children. They did so because they were promised that the children would be going to an orphanage in the Dominican Republic and soon family could come visit them. In reality, the plan was to have the children placed for adoption in America. I fear that this is only one of many stories which contains lies being told to the loved ones of the children in Haiti. Currently as the missionaries are being held on charges, the children’s parents are tying to be located by an adoption organization.
I Already Have a Plan, Thank You
Odds are if you know someone who wants to adopt or is already in the process, they have have done a ton of research. If they chose domestic adoption, then they are wanting to adopt a child through their state’s free foster system or a newborn through an agency or a lawyer. If you know someone who has chosen to pursue international adoption, then they will be working with an agency who is going through the proper, legal channels with a Hague accredited country.
It is quite annoying for these people who have done all of this research to hear someone flippantly suggest to “go adopt a Haitian orphan.” The attendees at my adoption meeting were not shy to show their anger and disgust toward those who suggested they alter their adoption plans and consider Haiti. Had they not already made it clear that they were very happy with their personal decisions to adopt a newborn and have an open relationship with their child’s birthparents? Hadn’t they already discussed how excited they were to travel to a particular foreign country to pick up their new child within a few months? Why would someone assume that these dreams for their future children could easily be tossed aside? If the person who thinks that the Haitian children should be adopted into the United States feels so strongly about it, then why don’t they prepare a homestudy for themselves?
Anyone in the adoption will agree that it’s not possible to “just adopt.” There are months of filling out paperwork, getting background checks, collecting certificates of birth and marriage, medical exams, obtaining work and personal references, inspections of your home, interviews, and possibly parenting classes. In adoption, you can’t “just” do anything. There are regulations you must follow to make your adoption legal. It’s amazing how many hoops you must jump through to prove that you can provide an acceptable home for a potential new child. It’s frustrating being the person who is jumping though these hoops, but completely worth it for the safety of the child who is to be adopted.
A Huge Undertaking
My heart goes out to these children in Haiti. I hope that soon there will be legal means to adopt true “orphans” from there. Life in one of the orphanages is not what any of us would wish upon any child. If there is someone here who is willing to go through all the proper paperwork and hoops to be approved to specifically adopt a Haitian orphan, then that is great. But this would have to be someone special who is ready to take on the tasks of raising a child who is from a different culture, who may have recently lost their family, and who has lived in squalor in an orphanage. The prospective adoptive parent must be wiling to embrace the use of counselors and educational books to help with the child’s grief and possible bonding issues.
Not everyone who plans on adopting is wanting to take on these additional undertakings. Some people, like those I mentioned at my adoption meeting, want a simple straightforward adoption. Parenting a child is difficult enough, especially if they are to be first-time parents. People know what their limitations and expectations are as a prospective adoptive parents and are comfortable with them. They should not feel guilty in proceeding with their original plans instead of altering them to adopt an orphan in Haiti.
How To Respond?
So how should you respond to someone who questions your adoption choice? You can be simple by saying, “We are already waiting with our agency for a newborn.” You can be thankful and say, “That’s a wonderful idea! Maybe we can fill out our paperwork together! Have you started yours yet?” Or you can educate them by telling them about the Haitian children who may not be true “orphans,” the problems with child trafficking, the lack of regulations of the orphanages, and the additional emotional issues that the children may have. Odds are the person who asked “So why don’t you just adopt an orphan from Haiti?” did not put more than five seconds thought into their question. Little do they know how frustrating and annoying their question is to the person who is from the adoption community.
Hopefully, soon there will be legal protection and regulations for the Haitian orphans and they can find find stable and loving homes.
To read more on this topic visit:
Pros and Cons of Adopting a Child from Haiti
Missionary Case Illuminates Plight of Haiti’s Orphans
Haitians, Parents Defend Arrested Americans
Fate of Jailed Missionaries in Haiti Points to Difficulty of Foreign Adoptions
————————————
Danielle I. Pennel
Three Yellow Roses
www.threeyellowroses.com
I totally agree with you….. you have no idea how many people have said this to me…..