Monthly Archives: July 2010

Adoptive Parents, Add to Your To-Do List: Educate Others


I don’t know why they have to do a criminal background check on you.” “Doesn’t it take years to adopt a healthy baby?” “Can’t you just go to Haiti and adopt one of the children from the earthquake?” “Why must the birth mother pick you? Shouldn’t you pick her, since you’re paying the money?” “Why are you wanting to ask the birth parents their opinion on baby names? He’ll be your baby!” “How come you still have social worker visits, after you have your child?” “Why do you want to remain in contact with the birth family? Aren’t you worried about confusing your child?” “Why does it cost so much to adopt?”

Some of these questions may have been ones you’ve heard, or eventually will hear as an adoptive or prospective adoptive parent. While sometimes these questions come from strangers approaching you at the drug store, odds are the most surprising and brazen questions will come from your loved ones. It would be easy to give an annoyed look at a stranger and simply walk away. But if you’re preparing your Thanksgiving meal and your Dad asks, “How will you know if the biological mom is lying, by saying she hasn’t done drugs? Haven’t most of them had drinks during their pregnancies?” it is a lot harder and even less desirable to walk away and avoid answering.

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Review: Mother and Child

posterRecently I went to see the movie “Mother and Child” with hopes of viewing a positive and enlightening movie about adoption. The movie has three main story lines which eventually merge together. One story involves a woman, played by Annette Bening, who placed a newborn girl for adoption almost thirty years prior and has been haunted by it since. The second story is about her daughter, played by Naomi Watts, who was placed for adoption and how she is coping with her life. The third story follows a prospective adoptive couple, attempting to adopt a newborn. It focuses mainly on the wife, played by Kerry Washington, and her transition from infertility to adoption.

So was the movie a positive one that I would highly recommend to those in the adoption community? No. Was it still entertaining enough that I’d recommend it with the caveat that the adoption parts are not accurate? Not exactly. I don’t think I was alone in not fully enjoying the movie as when it ended I heard more than one wife around me turn to their husband and say, “I’m sorry I brought you to this.”

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