Comments on: Review: Mother and Child http://www.threeyellowroses.com/2010/07/04/review-mother-and-child/ All about Adoption, Support and Information Sun, 05 Feb 2012 12:05:35 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.7 hourly 1 By: Lisa http://www.threeyellowroses.com/2010/07/04/review-mother-and-child/comment-page-1/#comment-10596 Lisa Wed, 06 Apr 2011 07:13:21 +0000 http://www.threeyellowroses.com/?p=684#comment-10596 Dear Danielle, I am an adult adoptee who just finished watching this movie. I was very moved by the scene where Lucy learns she will not be getting the baby she thought she was getting. And I, too, felt there was something very "off" about the nun reporting that there was "no one" for the new baby. As a 49 year old woman who wanted deeply to have children but has not, and is now past the point of being able to biologically, I could relate to Lucy's desire for children, although not to her later position as an adoptive mom. I feel angry reading the parts of your post where you report your adult adoptee friends' experiences of "not having adoption affect their daily life," and presenting that as evidence that adoption is really easier for adoptees than this movie portrays. It's different for different adoptees. If an individual adoptee doesn't have major issues stemming from their adoption, I say thank God, that is a blessing to be celebrated. But many, many of us do. Adoption is a blessing in many ways, and a deep deep loss in many others. Many of us do struggle with intimacy and relationships in ways that are particular to being adopted. You as an adoptive mother do not get to say how it is for adoptees. And you might want to think that it's "mainly fantastic," but you can only speak for yourself, not for all or any adoptees, not for birthfamilies...and not even for all adoptive parents! I get the feeling from your post that you only want to pay attention to the positive aspects of adoption and discount the real difficulties, pain, loss, and life-altering aspects of it. You also describe "miserable people, who were drowning in their sorrows due to their experiences with adoption." However Karen, Elizabeth, and Lucy all had significant hardships and also real growth and even joy in this movie. Please don't oversimplify adoption as only positive or those of us who deal with the pain of adoption as well as the joy and growth of life as "miserable people drowning in their sorrows." And please, please do not think you can speak for adoptees. I have not read the rest of your blog, but I hope you are educating yourself about adoptees' issues. There is a lot of information out there at this point which has coe from adoptees' lives, which can serve as a resource for adoptive parents to help them help themselves, their children, and their whole family. Many blessings on you and your family, Lisa Dear Danielle,
I am an adult adoptee who just finished watching this movie. I was very moved by the scene where Lucy learns she will not be getting the baby she thought she was getting. And I, too, felt there was something very “off” about the nun reporting that there was “no one” for the new baby. As a 49 year old woman who wanted deeply to have children but has not, and is now past the point of being able to biologically, I could relate to Lucy’s desire for children, although not to her later position as an adoptive mom.

I feel angry reading the parts of your post where you report your adult adoptee friends’ experiences of “not having adoption affect their daily life,” and presenting that as evidence that adoption is really easier for adoptees than this movie portrays. It’s different for different adoptees. If an individual adoptee doesn’t have major issues stemming from their adoption, I say thank God, that is a blessing to be celebrated. But many, many of us do. Adoption is a blessing in many ways, and a deep deep loss in many others. Many of us do struggle with intimacy and relationships in ways that are particular to being adopted. You as an adoptive mother do not get to say how it is for adoptees. And you might want to think that it’s “mainly fantastic,” but you can only speak for yourself, not for all or any adoptees, not for birthfamilies…and not even for all adoptive parents!
I get the feeling from your post that you only want to pay attention to the positive aspects of adoption and discount the real difficulties, pain, loss, and life-altering aspects of it. You also describe “miserable people, who were drowning in their sorrows due to their experiences with adoption.” However Karen, Elizabeth, and Lucy all had significant hardships and also real growth and even joy in this movie. Please don’t oversimplify adoption as only positive or those of us who deal with the pain of adoption as well as the joy and growth of life as “miserable people drowning in their sorrows.” And please, please do not think you can speak for adoptees.
I have not read the rest of your blog, but I hope you are educating yourself about adoptees’ issues. There is a lot of information out there at this point which has coe from adoptees’ lives, which can serve as a resource for adoptive parents to help them help themselves, their children, and their whole family.

Many blessings on you and your family,

Lisa

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