When my oldest son, Keith, was in Kindergarten I would volunteer in his classroom. The first time or two I arrived in his room and he ran over to give me a big hug, I noticed confused looks on some of his classmates’ faces. Then I heard some of them whisper to Keith, “Is SHE your Mom?” or “How can she be your MOM?” He would proudly answer, “Yes that’s my Mom.” and “She just is.”

He probably didn’t understand why he was getting the third degree about his Mom. I clearly understood that it was because they assumed Keith’s Mom would look him with dark skin, dark brown eyes, and black hair. Then I walked in with my light skin, blue eyes and blond hair. I would have been surprised if the children didn’t question if I was actually his Mom.

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Have you ever seen the Disney movie, “The Little Mermaid”? The premise is that there is a mermaid, Ariel, who longs to be a human and experience the world outside of the ocean. She has heard stories, seen paintings, and collected sunken treasures of this human world she had not seen in person. She is sad and frustrated that no matter how hard she tries there is nothing she can do to miraculously grow legs and survive outside of the ocean. She sings about her desire to become human in a song “Part of Your World.”

When I first heard that song years ago I thought, “Accept what you are Ariel and deal with it!” But looking back on my years of infertility I can understand more of that frustration that Ariel references. During my infertility journeys I wanted more than anything to be part of the “Mommy World.” From the stories I had heard it involved funny and priceless moments between Moms and their kids. I had seen it portrayed in movies, and on TV that it was all smiles and hugs. From all the toys and outfits in the stores it looked like a world full of fun times. The image I had of this “Mommy World” was fantastic and I ached daily to be part of it.

Yearning for “Mommy World”

Once my husband, Paul, and I began the adoption process I knew I was closer than ever to be part of “Mommy World.” I just knew I would get there and I would have tons of Mom friends and play with my child all day. How could I not then be healed of all my painful feelings left over from years of yearning for “Mommy World?”

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There are many questions that are asked of myself and my children because we are a family formed through adoption. I knew this would happen when we chose to adopt and especially when we chose to adopt transracially. This does not mean that I am not still amazed by what words come out of strangers’ mouths when commenting on my family. I have learned how to handle most questions with dignity and am always in the process of teaching my children to do the same.

Most comments I understand are because many people are not properly educated about adoption. Why would they be unless they have been through the adoption process themselves? I was clueless about the facts of adoption up until I walked into my first Adoption Support Meeting and starting reading books on the topic. Yet when strangers use the word “real” in regards to adoptive families it strikes a nerve in those in the adoption community.

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