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Sorry…

Friday, December 2nd, 2011

sorry1I have been a very bad blogger this year.

I’ve been neglecting this website for way too long. I really am proud of this site full of my articles which people have found helpful in their adoption journey. So why no new material? It’s not as if I don’t have anything to write about. I could talk for hours about adoption, and love doing so. I have not been allowing myself the time to sit and eloquently write my thoughts down. Perhaps it’s because I’m trying to keep up with my kids’ busy schedules full of school and sports, or volunteering for IAS, or my part-time job with Adoptive Families Circle (AFC), or just because I chilling out without any electronics around.

I apologize for no recent new material. If you would like to read some newer stuff, I have been writing (or rewriting old articles) for My Paperwork Pregnancies over on AFC. If you haven’t found me over there, please take some time and go browse those blog entries.

There is a new “live” entry over on AFC which I am very proud of, titled, “An Infertile Adoptive Mom”. I discuss how infertility stays with me, despite being a proud adoptive mother. I hope it’s something a lot of you can relate to. I’d love to hear your thoughts on this topic, as it’s not one that’s often discussed.

Please don’t give up on Three Yellow Roses! I will be placing this website, which is so dear to my heart, back on my priority list.

Thanks to all of you.

Danielle

Posted in Domestic Adoptions, In the Adoption Process, International Adoptions, Parenting after Adoption | No Comments »

Did She Really Just Say That?

Saturday, May 14th, 2011

22145-clipart-illustration-of-a-yellow-emoticon-face-with-a-surprised-expression-and-bangsThe other week, I was in a medical appointment and making small talk with the nurse. I happened to mention that I was coaching my daughter’s soccer team. Later in the appointment, while giving her my medical history, I told the nurse that I endured through three years of fertility treatments. Remembering that I had a daughter, she said, “Oh, so the treatments must have been successful!” Quickly, I responded, “No, I’m an adoptive mother to my three children.” She cocked her head and said in a sympathetic voice, “Aww! So you weren’t able to have any little babies of your own?”

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Posted in Domestic Adoptions, International Adoptions, Parenting after Adoption | 2 Comments »

Using the “Adoption” Card

Wednesday, February 2nd, 2011

whining_pouting_girl2Over my years in the adoption field, I have heard one consistent fear from prospective adoptive parents of domestic children. They are afraid that their adopted child will one day want to leave them and move in with their biological family. With open adoptions becoming more common, adoptive children know enough about their biological parents, that this is a natural fear of parents. The thinking is along the lines of, “If I maintain a relationship with my child’s birth family, then why wouldn’t my child want to leave when they aren’t getting their way? When I say, ‘No, you cannot go to that party at Michael’s.’ why wouldn’t my child say, ‘Then I’ll go live with my birth mother because she’d let me go!’”

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Posted in Domestic Adoptions, In the Adoption Process, Parenting after Adoption | 2 Comments »

Positive Adoption Magazine Article

Thursday, October 21st, 2010

rbk-november-cover-1-1110-smnIn the news when you read about adoption, it’s usually the sad and horrific stories featured. Examples would include the rare cases where birth parents gain parental rights back to their child they had already placed for adoption, where stressed-out adoptive parents decide to beat and kill their difficult child, or when a couple was swindled out of thousands of dollars by a adoption lawyer. These are the stories which make prospective adoptive parents cringe because they know this is how their family and friends are learning about adoption.

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Posted in Domestic Adoptions, In the Adoption Process, International Adoptions, Parenting after Adoption, Researching Adoption | 1 Comment »

Online Adoption Resources

Thursday, September 9th, 2010

computerI recently began a job as Community Moderator for Adoptive Families Circle, which is the online community for Adoptive Families magazine. I am very excited to have this opportunity to help others in their adoption journey. Adoption is my favorite topic, and helping others who will or have adopted is my true passion. I thought I had plenty of enough knowledge to bring to the table in order to assist the online community. Wow, was I wrong.

There is much more adoption information out there in cyber land than I had imagined. My mind is overflowing with all the resources available to those researching adoption, those in the process or those who have adopted. When I was pursuing my adoptions, there wasn’t nearly this much information available and I was still overwhelmed. It’s no wonder the new people who attend my monthly adoption support group sometimes have no clue how to begin their adoption journey. It is very easy to be confused and intimidated by the abundance of online adoption information available.

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Posted in Domestic Adoptions, In the Adoption Process, International Adoptions, Parenting after Adoption, Researching Adoption | 2 Comments »

Book Review: The Red Thread by Ann Hood

Monday, August 16th, 2010

redthread

I wasn’t sure if I wanted to read yet another fictional book about adoption. Some of the recent portrayals I’ve looked into have seemed overly dramatic in order to make for a good story line. However, a friend who has been part of my support system through my three adoptions read this book and highly recommended it. She said it gave her great insight into why birth mothers may place their child for adoption. Then I read an excerpt of the book in a recent issue of Adoptive Families magazine it sounded intriguing. Late one night I decided to pick up the book and only read a few pages. It was 2 AM and 165 pages later when I forced myself to put the book down in order to get some sleep. I happily completed the novel the next night.

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Posted in Domestic Adoptions, In the Adoption Process, International Adoptions, Parenting after Adoption, Researching Adoption | 1 Comment »

Review: Mother and Child

Sunday, July 4th, 2010

posterRecently I went to see the movie “Mother and Child” with hopes of viewing a positive and enlightening movie about adoption. The movie has three main story lines which eventually merge together. One story involves a woman, played by Annette Bening, who placed a newborn girl for adoption almost thirty years prior and has been haunted by it since. The second story is about her daughter, played by Naomi Watts, who was placed for adoption and how she is coping with her life. The third story follows a prospective adoptive couple, attempting to adopt a newborn. It focuses mainly on the wife, played by Kerry Washington, and her transition from infertility to adoption.

So was the movie a positive one that I would highly recommend to those in the adoption community? No. Was it still entertaining enough that I’d recommend it with the caveat that the adoption parts are not accurate? Not exactly. I don’t think I was alone in not fully enjoying the movie as when it ended I heard more than one wife around me turn to their husband and say, “I’m sorry I brought you to this.”

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Posted in Domestic Adoptions, In the Adoption Process, Parenting after Adoption, Researching Adoption | 1 Comment »

Recent Russian Adoption Not the Norm

Monday, April 19th, 2010

russia

There are adoptions every day without reporters and news cameras present. These are the adoptions which are routine and have happy circumstances. When the media is present around an adoption case, it usually means there is something negative about it and therefore news for the public. This is a sad fact about adoption. When someone hears “that story about adoption on the news” it means there is a story out there which will skew the public’s mind. Instead of seeing how wonderful and simple adoptions can be, they only see the stories which are out of the norm.

The most recent adoption case in the news concerns a 7 year-old boy who was sent alone on an airplane back to Russia with a note from his American adoptive mother. She was “returning” him, as she felt she was lied to by Russian officials concerning the boy’s emotional state. She felt as if the boy was a threat to her and her family and wished to no longer be his parent.

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Posted in In the Adoption Process, Parenting after Adoption, Researching Adoption | 1 Comment »

Adoptive Parents Can Still be Jealous of “Normal” Parents

Friday, April 2nd, 2010

jealous1

As a parent I am always trying to teach my children how to be grateful for all that they have. It’s a challenging thing to do in our society when we are always bombarded with “more,” “bigger” and “better.” We can easily get the impression that we don’t have enough and therefore can’t be happy. Gratefulness is a trait that I am constantly working on for myself which adds to the difficulty of teaching it to my children.

One aspect of feeling grateful is not to be jealous toward those who have something which you desire. I obviously went through this when I struggled with years of infertility whenever I saw a pregnant woman or parents with a little child. My jealously of their parenthood overwhelmed me. Now I am blessed to be one of those parents with three adorable children in my home thanks to the miracle of adoption.

So what should I feel jealous about? There are a few things that come to mind. None of them are things that I am proud about yet I will still own up to them. I hope that by owning and sharing these thoughts that other adoptive parents may be able to relate, and see that they are not alone.

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Posted in Domestic Adoptions, International Adoptions, Parenting after Adoption | 11 Comments »

The Right Way to Talk to an Adoptive Mother

Monday, February 15th, 2010

1055986_clouds_and_shadowsA few months ago I found myself boarding an airplane with my three children. It was the end of a very, very long day of travel to get home after a vacation. My children were antsy and I was ready to sleep in my own bed.

We found our seats and the flight attendant, who I noticed was Hispanic, came over with a big smile and said “Hi” to my children. He asked me if my children were adopted. I gave my usual answer of “Yes, I’m an adoptive mother.” I’m used to this question as my Hispanic children don’t match my fair complexion and blonde hair.

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Posted in Domestic Adoptions, International Adoptions, Parenting after Adoption | 2 Comments »

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